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process (cannot happen alone)



deep breath. stretch. don't want to get up yet-- have to. shades, twist, sunlight.

mmmm. good morning.

sunlight on my shoulder blades.
coffee. sunlight. sunlight. sip.

desk chair, flip screen. tap, tap, tap-- fingers flying.

process.

retractable pen: click, click, click.
drawing pine trees. thinking. getting in on my hands.

sip. pour. sip. think.
tap, tap, tap.
stretch.

crack; eggshells. toast.
potatoes and rosemary.
more coffee, more words.

story
story
story

process.

licking my lips, staring into space,
fingers fly.
story.

faces,
feelings,
trees, so many trees.

sunlight in the window as i tap
tap
tap
and sip.

every day.
feet under the desk. butterflies in my belly.
what's going to happen next
what's going to happen

process.

sunlight,
coffee
more coffee
more words

process.

it's not the gush of water that breaks the rock, it's the steady: drip, drip, drip.

it's the every day.

it's the

process.


________________________



that was this morning for me. today is part of the process and tomorrow will be too. sitting here in the sunlight, sipping my coffee after letting loose some words on the page, it feels surreal that Worlds Beneath is OUT THERE. like... whoa, man.

and here's the thing about process: you can't do it alone. i couldn't do this alone. this whole launch has been so extremely humbling because of that fact alone. i couldn't do this without you, the reader. the commenter. the betas. the team. my family. my mom reading and leaving me sweet notes in the margins. my sister who is pure brilliance and everything. my husband. my editor. my proofreader, formatter. every single on of you who have read an arc, posted on social media, or written a blog post.

i could not do THIS without YOU.

please know how much you mean to me. please know how important you are to me. please know.

book two is here because of you guys. <3


lOVE,
kATE

less then 10 days until launch!


i'm sitting here at my desk, sipping from a glass filled with strong black iced coffee, the fountain is trickling outside, and it feels like the warm days of summer have finally come to vermont. (which, if you've ever been up this way, you know just how brutally cold it can get)

i've spent the past weeks doing loads of work on the computer, getting ready for the launch of the second book in The Blood Race series - Worlds Beneath, which, i just realized as i sit here, drinking above mentioned iced coffee, comes out less than ten days.

TEN DAYS.

i know i've said it a million times, but i am very, very, very excited to share this one with you guys. and i know every author says that about every book they've ever written, basically. but Worlds Beneath was seriously just such a journey for me in so many ways, and it changed me and helped me grow. i hope from the bottom of my heart that it does the same for you, and, if nothing else, that it siphons you away into a whole new dimension and leaves you breathless on the edge of your seat. ;)

beyond all of that though, i could never have done this without you guys supporting me, messaging me, cheering me on, reviewing, joining my blog tours, and READING. my goodness... the very fact that you are READING books i write makes me want to go sob into a pillow for joy. i would not be where i am today without you guys, and that is NO exaggeration. 

so, that said, i know some of you actually haven't had a chance to snag book 1 in the series, The Blood Race yet, so i wanted to leave THIS here. if you've been wanting to read book 1, but haven't had a chance to get it, you can start reading the series for free - i will email you the first 9 chapters of book 1. (just because i think you're cool. i mean, you're on my blog rn, so you must be a pretty rad person.)

and because i'm really excited, and because there's less than TEN DAYS left until launch, i'm going to go ahead and leave the trailer for Worlds Beneath below. I hope you'll give it a watch + a share, because that would really make my day <3 you can also pre-order your copy here.

Worlds Beneath - Official Trailer



SO have you read The Blood Race??? Are you planning on reading Worlds Beneath?? ALSO, you should seriously tell me your top 3 summer plans or "want to do this summer" things, because I would love to hear all about it! I look forward to hearing what you think of Worlds Beneath!


lOVE,
kATE

5 ways deployments can actually help your writing


it's early fall of 2016. my heart is pounding hard and harder, and we are weaving around people in the airport, and his plane is leaving soon. the palm of my hand is probably getting sweaty as i keep my fingers tightly intertwined with his. 

people towing suitcases flow past, but i hardly notice them. we're walking towards the TSA area of the small airport not far from the base. i've been standing there beside him, listening to the jumble of chatter, the goodbyes, watching the clusters of his supervisors tiny, sweet kids say goodbye to their dad, keeping their arms looped around his neck and not wanting to let go. 

i can relate. 

time passes slow and fast all at once. i want to slow everything down - to make minutes drag by like hours, but instead they fly, and in a little while he halts and turns around to face me, a tired smile finding his lips. it's overcast outside and its the same way in his blue eyes as they flicker to mine.

"we should say goodbye here," his voice is quiet. and i just nod because i can't talk. i can't talk because i know i'll cry and i don't want to cry in front of him - not when he's leaving. not when this moment is going to be the snapshot he carries with him for the next seven months. but my head presses against his chest and i hear his hammering heart and i cry anyway. i say i love you, and he says it back. he gives me a big kiss, and he walks away looking backward at me through blue eyes. 

i turn away to keep myself from running back to him, just to hug him one more time. 

be strong, be strong, 

be strong.
_____________

i would hold that mental image in my mind and heart for seven months. seven long months of praying, and waiting, and worrying in spite of the strength and discipline deployment helps to shape within those who are left behind at home if they allow it. i still worried, i still had to refuse to let my mind think about all the many things that could possibly go wrong. it was still a very long seven months.

recently, i've been filling out some interviews that some of you have been generously giving me the opportunity to be a part of for the upcoming release of Worlds Beneath, and one of the questions I've been getting a few times has brought back so many memories:

"how long did it take you to write Worlds  Beneath? was the process different from writing The Blood Race?"

it's one of those yes and no answers. it flowed so naturally and therapeutically and slow-burn. i loved every moment of it, i learned SO MUCH, but it was different than book 1. and thinking back, there was a very distinct reason why it felt so different. and the more i began to look back and dwell on all the beautiful and crazy things that made the writing process different (and beautiful), the more i began to realize that there are those of you who will be able to relate to what i went through, and maybe even take something positive away from this that you can use to make your own journey just a bit lighter. that's my hope.

i wrote the vast majority of the second book in my series, Worlds Beneath, while my husband (then fiance) was away on deployment. the book got me through that time in my life, and my writing continues to help guide me through the inevitable separations Tyler and I now face as a military couple. in turn, that deployment helped shape me as a person, which helped me tune deeper into my thoughts and feelings to be able to even more thoroughly communicate the story I was trying to tell in Worlds Beneath.

it also made it a heck of a lot harder at times. i mean, who feels like being creative every single day when the man they can't wait to marry is deployed on the opposite side of the globe?

nothing about deployment is easy - for the service member, or the spouse/significant other at home. the separations aren't easy, the lack of communication is not easy, and the worry and loneliness constantly at war with our bravery is not easy. that said, as a creative, and as someone who knows so many milso's (military significant others) who are creatives, I can attest to the fact that deployments will definitely make an impact on something as personal to you as your art.

but deployments are not all bad! there's a silver lining, for sure, no matter how bleak and endless the tunnel often seems. in fact, for the sake of making this post coherent, i'm going to list 5 reasons why deployments can make your art even stronger.




#1 deployments can make you stronger - and more independent.

whether you realize it or not, this is a very present reality, especially for a military spouse. even when my husband was away on a DFT, I began to notice how much I was picking up the slack; tackling projects that I wouldn't normally, and learning new things that weren't exactly in my wheelhouse. as much as you love your spouse or significant other, and as much as it's great to be able to work as a team, it's also empowering to know that, hey, you got this. you're strong and capable, and that will only make your relationship, life, and WIP better.

i write best when i feel confident - no one wants to work on a project with timidity, feeling insecure and questioning whether they're capable of filling the tall order they've set for themselves, creatively. so allow those lessons-learned to carry over into your creative life: embrace the strong, confident vibes.

2. deployments will force you to learn to use your time wisely - and make it pass a little faster. 

any milso will be able to relate to this one hardcore, as will anyone who has ever been in a long distance relationship, or had a loved one away for long periods of time. time drags. you never realized days and weeks passed THIS SLOWLY until now. you find yourself wishing the days away, longing to "swim through time" as i often phrase it, to that moment of reunion: its all you seem to think about.

but, if that's all you let yourself dwell on, unfortunately times passes at an even slower rate, and somehow you feel further away from them than ever. of course you should keep that beautiful image of being with your loved one again at the forefront of your mind - but you also need to keep yourself busy.

tackle that book! start that project you've been talking about for ages. record those songs. make your art. find something to lose yourself in - something that may even help you lose track of time. write, sing, draw, dance and allow your emotions, even those of longing and loneliness to fuel you forward, not backward, not down and out. stay in control, take the reins, and make something beautiful with this block of time you have to yourself.




#3. deployments encourage creativity - in so many ways. 

when you were together, maybe you'd listen to music, or discuss a book you'd been reading (or writing!), maybe you'd hang out in a fun little coffee shop and talk about the day, or go for long drives to watch the sunset. well, now there's 7,000 miles (or more) between you. lol have fun trying to to any of that. (sorry, i had to take a crack at depressing humor at least once in this post) 

But as a creative, the truth is, you can actually find some pretty fun ways to still do some of these things... well, in a way - and make them smile, which is always a goal, and one of the best ways you can help support your deployed loved one. 

one of the few, if not the only, fun part about a deployment is making and sending care packages. i would disassemble a priority mail box, coat it with card stock and decorations, reassemble it and fill it with everything that would remind him of home: packaged food items from places we went on dates, instant Starbucks coffee (one of our go-tos), an envelope full of snapshots from all over the world, titled "all the places i want to go with you", and even the first several chapters of The Blood Race, giving him something to read in his free time and give me feedback on. (yep, Tyler helped beta read while on deployment. i know, he's a keeper.) there were so many little creative things i came up with to help keep both of our spirits up.

so deployments, although long and hard, can actually help fuel your creative mind, not hinder it.


#4 you need to stay positive. 

this may be the the most important one on the list. because there will be days, and weeks, (and this was true for me) when i did not feel like writing, or being creative, or doing much beyond just "getting through" the day. your mind is full of worry. you want to forget the news even exists (shut that stuff off). you cry in the shower, a lot. you cry when their call drops and you cry when it doesn't because their voice somehow feels so far away. you're lonely and tired.

why on earth would you feel like writing a book? or recording music? or perusing your art or working on your project?

because you need - NEED - to stay positive. for yourself, sure... but you also have more than just you to think about. you have your deployed service member. put yourself in their shoes... they're working hard, and they're lonely too - they cannot wait to get home to you. they're trying to hold the line every bit as much as you, and typically have far more stressors to cope with. if they hear you breaking down, struggling, and getting frustrated, how's it going to make them feel? certainly not empowered to keep going... and voicing all of that aloud isn't going to help you either.

absolutely talk to your family or friends, have a support group - that's so helpful, (and a whole other blog post...) but don't vent on your spouse/SO while they're deployed. just... don't. it's not going to help them, you, or the situation. instead, throw yourself into your work, your book, your project, and stay as focused and positive as you can.


#5 deployments will bring you closer together if you let them

this one may sound a bit foreign to someone who has never had a loved one in the military, or had a long distance relationship, but for Tyler and I, this last deployment did nothing but bring us closer together and make us stronger as a couple. it gave us such a deep appreciation for our life together. we learned new ways to express our thankfulness for each other, and it taught us that the "little things" are actually the big things: talking on the phone, or getting a simple "good morning" text... normally these things are seen as small, but when you're long distance, you begin to find that these things are SO full of joy.

being long distance gives you new opportunities to share your art, projects, goals and dreams with each other. talk about each other goals and aspirations, and how you see yourselves accomplishing those things. send them pieces of your novel like i did, or pictures you drew, poetry you've written, and ask for their feedback - use your art to help keep them focused and positive, and in doing so, cultivate a deeper relationship despite the distance.

_____________

that's all i've got on this for now. if you're a military spouse working on a creative career, or if you have a loved one deployed, i hope this gave you something that might help you stay inspired and push through the months ahead. if you're not, then i hope maybe it gave you a little insight into the lives of military families so that you may better help support and cheer them on as they pursue their art, goals, dreams, and careers while their loved ones are often absent.

aaaand if you're reading my series, it definitely gave you a little more insight into my journey with Worlds Beneath, which releases July 1 (!!!!) and is available for pre-order here. i hope you check it out, i'd love to share the story with you.

stay creative, stay strong, beautiful souls.

lOVE,
kATE


ps. if you got something out of this post, you'd probably like this one about what deployments can teach us about gratitude 

live a life that honors



i want to live a life that honors the grieving single mom as she raises her kids alone and takes them to visit their daddy's grave; who still sleeps with her husband's shirts just to remember what he smelled like.

i want to live a life that honors the young woman who kissed her fiance goodbye in the airport and didn't realize as he smiled and lifted her chin that this would be the last time she saw his face, heard his heart pounding beneath his uniform, tasted his lips or breathed in his scent.

i want to live a life that honors the single dad who feels lost without the woman he promised he would stand by until the end; who wishes he was still sharing a closet with her clothes and cleaning up all her clutter in the bathroom.

i want to live a life that honors the beautiful beautiful little souls who don't understand yet that their mom or their dad won't be coming home from deployment.

i want to live a life that honors THEM.

i want to live a life that is worthy of the fallen men and women - heroes - who have died to make me free.

i have no right not to love, cherish, and live my life well; for it is a gift...a priceless gift, that cost many their absolute all. never, never, never forget those who have died to protect you.



remember. never forget. live well... honor them. 

lOVE,
kATE