i find it hard not to be angry


i find it hard not to be angry at the world. i find it really, really hard. i'm not promoting anger as a good thing, because it isn't always. but this is going to be a little bit of a different kind of post, in which i am going to be vulnerable to you guys.

i live a hermit life, i'll proudly admit it. i stay in my house and write a lot, and think a lot and spend a lot of time with my family. i don't use social media except to be able to connect with readers, but i barely ever log on. i barely use my phone and i almost never carry it. i live almost too present sometimes. i usually have no idea what day or time it is, and i usually don't care. i feel most comfortable when i'm completely disconnected from literally everything except my maker, letting the words flow through my fingertips like water. or when i'm out in the silent, rolling surf with my husband, straddling my board and squinting out at the horizon where blue and blue meet; sinking and rising with the valleys and mountains of water. that's home. that's real.

i think i enjoy the simple, raw, and real because i was made for it, and because there is something very connected and divine within it. but i think i also appreciate it because i have seen the disastrous alternative; a life spent in the screen of a phone or computer, comparing your face, your food, your flat-lays, and your photography skills to the people you follow. 

you spend fifteen flipping minutes trying to find a filter for the picture of your coffee, and your friend is across from you doing the same thing. you're not even talking to each other. and you thought your beach vacation was great until you held it up against someone you follow's photos from a bermuda resort. your whole life turns into this strange facade of trying to make yourself into something that you aren't and comparing yourself to others. leveraging your happiness from an app.

i know because i've been there. so i'm not pointing fingers except at me. maybe i'm just talking to myself, i don't know. i just know that i've grown weary of this world and i feel like a foreigner when i'm around most other people. i feel like this world is feeding us something bad, and way too many of us are swallowing it. i'm spitting it out.

but there's another side to the story. and that's the side of the many, many girls and young women who are pressured and pushed and labeled. the word that springs to mind is 'basic'. i cannot tell you how much i absolutely despise this word with every fiber of my being. if i could empty a few rounds on it, light it on fire, and then dance on the ashes, i would do so gladly. 

yes, there are many things about mainstream culture that frustrate and anger me. but what angers me even more is that we are judging ourselves more harshly and brutally than ever before. we call girls 'basic'. it's a common, overused term; look it up on urban dictionary (if you dare darken those frightening doors) and you'll get the gist. if a young woman wears uggs, or drinks a pumpkin spice latte, she is basic. there is no substance to her. she's just a robotic piece of mainstream culture. if a girl watches a typical tv show, or listens to a pop band, or goes to starbucks, she is "basic".

i have starbucks friends. friends who wear certain boots and carry certain bags. i'm friends with girls who listen to one direction and pop bands. and guess what??? there is nothing basic about them. every single one of them have special, unique personalities, dreams, and struggles. every single one of them deals with demons and fears. every single one of them are exploding with potential, talents, and gifts that are unique to them and only them.

they are not basic. they are not just a statistic. no one is.

maybe some people would have said that the woman who wept on Jesus' feet was 'basic' trash, but Jesus saw value in her. maybe some people would have looked at the gentile woman and called her a 'dog' but Jesus saw value in her. maybe some people would have even looked at the disciples - a bunch of young, unschooled fishermen - and said they were pretty darn mainstream, doing exactly what EVERYONE else was doing, maybe they would have said there was really nothing special about those guys. but Jesus saw a revolution inside of them.

no one. no one. no one. is basic. 

on the contrary, we are complex. we are intricate. our hearts beat 115,200 times, our lungs draw 23,040 breaths, and about 700 different muscles move us forward, every single day. we're made up of 37.2 trillion cells, and for reference, that's more cells than there are stars in the milky way galaxy, there's about 100,000 miles of blood vessels in our bodies, and when we wake each morning, our brain instantly produces enough electricity to power a small light bulb.

and while my resentment for social media (and anything social tbh) runs deep, i don't really care how much time you spend on instagram, how many lattes you drink, or what color hair, or skin you have. i don't care what music you listen to. i don't care if you eat at chipotle and even take a photo while doing so. there is nothing basic about you.

mom says it's just because i'm a rebel, but i get so angry at the world. because it wants to make easily labeled machines out of people. i get so angry, especially around this time of year (valentines) because there's so much pushing and shoving and shouting from the world about what young women should look, sound, and be like. there's so much crap about how we should wear makeup and dress sexy and look a certain way. i resent that. i resent that so much. all this goes for guys too, i know guys get a ton of pressure about different things. but as a woman, i can only speak from my own experience.

i believe in a God who created us beautiful already. with my acne, and whether i'm dressed up, or wearing a baggy shirt and yoga pants. and guess what? i could guzzle pumpkin spice lattes and listen to a top 100s channel allll daaaay loooong and I STILL WOULDN'T BE BASIC. i believe in a God who created us intricately and uniquely, and who packed us full of potential - who made us for greatness.

i was talking to my mom the other day about how angry and frustrated i get, and how i sometimes want to just shut of my phone and laptop and never turn them back on, and just spend 100% of my time reading Martin Luther sermons, practicing karate, and eating organic food. but my mom was like "no, you were given your voice for a reason. this is what you need to be writing."

so here i am, being level with you. i was going to post something about finishing book 3, but then i was like "nah, this is more important." i usually don't talk a lot about the meaning behind things that i create, because i like the things i create to speak for themselves, as they were intended to. but this time, i felt an ache in my heart that brought me to this post. 

on valentines, in collaboration with BURNING YOUTH, i'll be releasing a slam poem i wrote about all of this, accompanied by a brilliant musical piece by my beautiful, talented sister Abbiee, composer/musician/songwriter. if you're unfamiliar with BY, hit it up here, and sign up for email so posts will hit your inbox. i'm excited about this one.

i love you guys so so so much. if you take nothing else away from this kind of messy post, i hope the fact that you are freaking special and unique sticks in your head and haunts you in your sleep forever more.


*EDIT* the slam poem is now up, and you can watch it here



lOVE,
kATE




28 comments

  1. For so long I struggled with trying to seperate myself from "mainstream" things, trying to create a voice for myself that the world would recognize as important (fighting all my interests that were "basic" or "trying too hard"). In the past year, as I have thrown myself into my relationship with the Lord, I have been so empowered to find out that, like you said, there is nothing "basic" about anything that I will ever do. I already have a voice that matters, because my voice matters to Him. I have a message that He has imprinted on my heart to share with the world in a way that only I can. NO amount of "basic" things that I like will ever negate that. <3

    I loved this post SO FREAKING MUCH!!!

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    1. AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN <3 Evangeline, you are a gifted and beautiful light in this world. this comment made me want to cry because I sooo connect with that you said

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  2. I needed this SOOO MUCH. I've been struggling with a severe case of doubt in myself and my writing. I would love if everyone in the world got rid of social media and we all did what we were purposed to do. I feel like we all dull our senses and slowly deteriorate our natural abilities and instinct with our focus on comparison and social media.

    This is something that has been bothering me. I recently just got my first phone and only because I'll be getting a job really soon. (Unfortunately I can't survive off writing at the moment.) That's really strange for an 18 year old in our culture now.

    I know we were all destined for more. Thank you for this post! <3 <3 <3

    ~Ivie|Ivie Writes

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    1. AMEEEEEN, IVIE. Do not doubt yourself or your writing, girl. God gave you that gift for a reason, and I see so so so much potential in you - I cannot wait to see where God takes you on this journey with your book! Block out the negative voices and doubt, and TRUST that gift. God's got you. <3

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  3. Wowowowow. I am out of words. How do you put so much power and love into your words its like every single one is a resonating sound of strength.

    Thank you a million times for this, I can't say how much it's relevant to me and what I've been noticing around me. <3 <3 <3

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    1. and I can't tell you how much your comment means to me, Anna!! Thank you so much - i am so blessed that this post meant something to you!!

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  4. I can hardcore relate to everything in this post. I get really sick of all the junk online and in the world. It's like trying to tread water in the toughest current and sometimes there doesn't even seem to be a reason to fight it -- why not just leave it? But I have to remember that I'm here for a reason and I'm not the only one this is happening to -- every one of us is special and unique and valued and should be treated so. And making sure people know that IS something to fight for.

    Thank you for this <3

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    1. AMEN. I need to print out and frame your comment because it is FULL OF TRUTH, Audrey <3 thank you so much

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  5. Dang, Kate. THANK YOU FOR THIS.
    And while we're different because I spend a lot of time online (and I shouldn't, really), I wholeheartedly feel what you're saying. It's so so true - all the comparison, boxes, statistics, labels. And even when we think we've escaped it by calling ourselves a different name, it's still there.

    I can usually write "blog post length" comments, but right now, I have no words.

    just…yes, yes, yes.

    yes again.
    k.

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    1. YES. YES, YES, YES, I so agree with everything you said, Keira!! Thank you so much <3

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  6. PREACH IT SISTER. you just put my current mood into better words than I ever could. Just. Yes.

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    1. WOOOO I AM SO GLAD! Thank you so much, Katie <3

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  7. I loved seeing and hearing your heart, sweet friend! <3 I do want to encourage that you are not alone and that I'm also thankful you haven't shut your computer and never come back. As much as social media can have a negative impact and too many words are said that are full of hate and anger, I'm thankful that social media opens the door for me to read posts like this. Times when I can be encouraged that I am unique and special and that I too can spread that message in a world full of comparison. Though I know sometimes I live in my own bubble because it hurts too much to watch the news or read certain articles, I'm thankful that social media can be a place of encouragement too. <3

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    1. Thank you so much for your beautiful and encouraging words, Laura! They really mean so much to me <3 love you!

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  8. This post is fire. I don't know what else to say, but you have a beautiful soul, and you could not be more of an inspiration to me. xx

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    1. Jessica, your comment made my heart SO full. you have no idea how much that means to me - and you are an inspiration to me too!

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  9. Ooh yes, I love this. People try to shy away from things for fear of being 'basic,' but what does basic really mean? In the eyes of social media, it means everything, but in the eyes of Jesus, it means nothing.

    (also, I for one am very glad you're still on social media, because these words need to be heard.)

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    1. YES YES YES AND AMEN. you're right on, Hanne. & thank you so much - that means a ton to me <3

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  10. wow i really love you a lot and the fact that you get angry about stuff that matters that means a freakin lot to me and im so glad God pushed you to write this. can't WAIT to hit up that slam poem.

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    1. i REALLY LOVE YOU, LIV. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH :')

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  11. I love this post so much! I fit under the "basic" label perfectly, just because I like leggings and starbucks and comfy boots and instagram, but I really don't care! I'm proud of who I am. I don't want to stop enjoying the things I love just because it all adds up to being a "basic" person. What I've found is that, like you said, no two "basic" people are the same. And it's beautiful. I've also been trying to find a balance with social media too, and it's been hard since I'm not totally used to the hermit life. But it's getting better.
    Go you Kate!

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    1. AMEN, AMEN, AMEN, AMEN, HANNAH. everything you said is so right on and I can't agree with you more. never stop being you, you beautiful soul!!

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  12. thank you so much for this <3 Sometimes even though I know something, it's so easy to forget, and this was an amazing reminder. Thank you.

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    1. this comment makes me so happy, Autumn - I'm so glad it could be a reminder! <3 YOU ARE AWESOME

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  13. girl!!!! dang! you preach it!! I can soooo agree on this. I have almost deleted any social media I have several times. thank you. first time checking your blog and I loveeeeee it. hang loose chica

    https://rrbandcjb.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thank you soooo much, girl!! Seriously, your comment means the world to me <3

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