an open letter to the darkness fighters



I don't usually write things to explain a thing — I want this to speak for itself and be open ended, but I want to say I wrote this one with some friends in mind who I've known over the years who have fought thoughts that tell them life isn't worth it or they aren't. I personally haven't experienced everything I wrote about here, but my heart rivers out to those who have. This one is for them, but its for me and you too, because regardless of what your warring with up in the head, it's all the same battleground. Different faces, different demons, same warzones. We are warheads together, you and I. We are all, in some way, fighting invaders and voices that lie through their teeth. Its negativity that we're after here—darkness. Whether it's thinking your life isn't worth living, or obsessing over numbers on a scale, or talking yourself down until you can hardly hold yourself up, or whether it's something else, we're going to kick this thing. We're going to win. 

I read this in first Corinthians the other day and I don't think I could put it much better: be confident of one thing: no testing will come your way which has not been experienced by other human beings. [Chapter ten verse twelve]

We're in this thing together, alright? got your back. This one's for the darkness fighters. 

________________________

I won't talk because I want to listen and I can't do both at once. I want to listen even if you have nothing to say.

I'll sit on the floor beside you and we can watch the writing on the wall together. I'll listen while you tell me that you've heard it all before but then I'll tell you something you've never have heard before.

I know that after a while this world becomes a muted place; mouths move but nothing comes out. Reaching lungs find thin air on shelves they can barely reach. Nothing is ok. I'm sorry we told you that it was, I'm sorry we made you feel like you were insane, because we're all over here eating and regurgitating and eating our darkness but it's

not and

I'm sorry about all of that.

The red lines under your sleeves, the teeth marks on the backs of your hands, the mines you keep stepping on behind your forehead, the weapons,

It's not ok. I'm not going to tell you that it is. I'm just going to take your palms in mine and lift them high and read them aloud so you can know that your skin has a message for your head:

Sacred
Sacred
Sacred
Sacred

Those monsters living at the ends of your arms were made for life, not death, were made with claws to rip apart the dark and spill the contents of the thoughts that aren't ours out across the floor. They were made to make not take, because reading in between those lines all I see is

Sacred
sacred
sacred

Death is for the dead and we were one of them once but now we've broken surface into something bigger. I'm not telling you to run from death I'm telling you that you already died, and so did I and maybe we should start using our fingers to pull the trigger on the ghosts inside that can't

scream as loud
as we can.

We scream louder but we remain silent in the presence of the apparitions that spray paint our inadequacies on the walls of our heads—

speak out loud to that empty room. yell.

I still have those threads you wove together and gave me, I still have them tucked in between the pages of my Bible. I still see you in the crowds with your elbow joints fighting to be seen through your skin, I still see you in the mirror. I wish I could tell you how much you are a meteorite in this night but my mouth is just moving and no words are coming out.

No I'll just keep reading those palms until you can read them yourself; until you can make out the words.

Sacred
Sacred
Sacred

Every single line and every single beat and every single drop of blood and water and light that makes you up has the demons running for cover, the earth trembling under your feet. You are so much more than the bones you can see in the mirror. More than the knives and the sleepless nights and the scratches on your skin. more than the food you wouldn't let yourself eat. More than the judge that you try to be, and more than the punishments you pass on yourself. more than the sentences. You are not any of this. You are not the darkness, you

you are the beginning of the end of that darkness.

You are the dawn. You are the light. You and the mess you made and the tired brain inside your head are the northern lights.

So I won't talk. I won't tell you the things you've already heard.

I'll just give you back your hands and let them tell you a different story.

Sacred
Sacred
Sacred






lOVE,
kATE

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38 people commented on this post.

  1. Can you just not
    This is AMAZING LIKE WOW WOW WOW
    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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    1. :') wow wow wow thank YOU, GOLDEN ONE

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  2. ....wow.

    Kate, this is so beautiful and honestly almost brought me to tears. Your writing is so raw and simply gorgeous, and it always seems to hit so close to home. So much love for you. <3

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    1. Grace Annnne oh man your words always bless me so much, you have no idea. Love you, girl!

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  3. mind = blown.

    thank you, katie <3 sending hugs your way.

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    Replies
    1. So many hugs back:') thank you thank you thank you

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  4. Katie, your words just have this amazing power to make me cry. Like, girl. Wow. You are amazing, this is amazing, love is amazing. <3 I'm speechless.

    -Amanda @ Scattered Journal Pages

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Amanda wow <3 your comment means so much to me and YOU are the amazing one alright

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  5. There are actual tears running down my face. This was amazing and my heart breaks for every single person who has experienced such pain.

    Elizabeth
    http://whimsicalthoughtss.blogspot.com/

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    1. Elizabeth, your words filled my heart up. <3

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  6. ajfnaljfuernfcewuionfrdalofnkdencncdskfnkdnsfjdsfkjsdlgfkjallakflaskfjdikmcicicksdmncmvneieijfroiwe19384579238547
    i literally
    i.
    im just sitting here staring at my computer screen and feeling tsunamis of truth crashing over my soul. im freaking serious i have no words. because this is everything i've ever wanted to say and never found the words for. this is all that i wanted to be told in the sitting in the silence that was too heavy and the nights that felt too dark. why, God, why is the darkness so heavy? but then why, God, why is the light so bright? why is there light at all? thank God, for the Light of the world and for the indisputable sacredness that he wove into my being. legit tears are streaming down and i never cry at blog posts. your words empty and fill me and break me and heal me all over again. thank you for this time a billion.
    ps the collar of my tshirt is wet from tears ahahaha help

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    1. whoa that got long fast no regrets though. also, have never experienced these things personally, but so, so many close to me.

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    2. Oh man Olivia :') my heart is full and spilling over and weeping because your words touched me so deep and literally you mean so much to me, dude<3 the darkness may be great but we are greater

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  7. <3<3<3 Thank you, Kate. You really have a gift with words. This was so uplifting.
    <3 Lizzy

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    Replies
    1. Lizzy, that means so much to me <3 thank you

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  8. I meant to comment on this sooner, but anyway; there were tears shed reading this. More tears shed upon sharing it with someone who really needs it. You are annointed, okay? <3

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    1. This commmmeenntt :') I was over here ready to cry. Literally thank you oh my gosh <3

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  9. Tearing up over here.... this is beautiful. Reminds me of 1 John 1:5, which says that our God is LIGHT and in Him is no darkness AT ALL.

    And dude, we serve this God. We have this God inside us.

    Darkness doesn't stand a chance, yo.

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  10. so much love for this beautiful piece - not only because there are those whom I love so so very much who need to hear this, but because I do too: you're so right, whatever the demons, it's a hard warzone. thank you for the reminder that we and God will win, /are/ winning.

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    1. your comment touched me so much, and made my soul brimming. thank *you*. we *are* winning, and He is there with us every single step of the way <3

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  11. YES YES YES YES YES YES.
    I want to cry and yet stand up and shout at the same time.
    Don't tell me what i already know.
    That is perfect.

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  12. Your writing always seems to pierce my heart. The way the words roll of your fingers into the page BLOWS MY MIND. Never stop fighting. xx -JacyRayn

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  13. I have had this post waiting on my browser window for days... Ever since you posted. I wanted enough time to read it. To really read it. As one who has experienced screaming into the pillow at 3am with aching in my throat from crying and crying and begging for these demon thoughts to stop - thank you. It's been almost a year since I had Christ save me from early morning battles, but this post brought memories and tears and makes me want to hug you. Thank youm for these words, Katie.

    YOU ROCK

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    Replies
    1. Literally when I read this i could have started crying and i just want to give you a big hug rn. Girl, keep on...you are 100% supernova. Thank *you* for your words. You have no idea how much they strengthen me

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  14. I love love love love love this and I have no idea how I didn't comment/read this until now.
    the shame.
    Anyhoo, it was beautiful as always Katie.
    -elissa
    p.s. I tagged you over at my blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you so, so much, Elissa. :') I will go and check out the tag! Sorry I am seeing it so late, I have fallen off the face of the blogosphere lately. XD I am honored, thank you.

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  15. This is a wonderful and inspiring post. Thank you for putting your heart out there.

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    1. thank you, Vanessa, that truly means so much

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  16. "Thank you" feels too inadequate...






    http://everythingisbetterwithpolkadots.blogspot.com/

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  17. ugh.
    wow.
    I do not know how I missed this post, but I am so glad that I read this. Because, honestly, I've been needing this lately. This is so special to me and thank you so much. You're amazing, Kate, and your words are so powerful. <3 <3 <3

    // katie grace
    a writer's faith

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    Replies
    1. oh my goodness, KATIEEE. thank you. thank you so much :') you are a rockstar

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  18. Oh. My gosh. This is so beautiful it literally makes me want to scream. And shout. And sob. And laugh. It's perfect. You are such a talented writer and I love how you use that talent. <3
    Xo
    Anna

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comments are like dark chocolate and they make this kid way happy. I love hearing from you guys! (check back because I reply...and I love checking out your blogs, so don't leave me without a link to yours!) ♥