hold on to the little things || guest post by Sami Nuxoll

I feel so blessed to have the extremely gifted miss Nuxoll guest-posting today.

Let's just leave it at this: Sami is a hyper-gifted soul. Like, reading over this post, which includes a poem (as you will see), I was blown away. This message is something my heart needed-- and needs every day, and maybe its something your heart needs too.

Sami blogs over at She Laughs, and I highly recommend you check it out, follow her, and do some reading. In fact, I insist. Go.

Thank you so much for being here today, girl!

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HEY GUYS.

So the ever-wonderful and gracious Kate asked me to do a guest post. Kate - you have the coolest and most inspiring blog EVER. This is super exciting! I’ve never done a guest post before...as a result I am equally thrilled and terrified.

So just a preface - mostly what I do while I blog is poetry/slam poetry/thoughts – on a good day my blahs are insightful and inspiring and inventive. On a bad day it’s basically just me ranting. (so fun.) BUT - a while back I decided to tone down on the thinking-writing and focus more on the other parts of my life because the thinking-writing was turning into a really cute bunny-peach that wanted me to pet it all the time. (aka: my blogging was taking over and I wasn’t getting anything else done.)

Toning down does not mean permanent hiatus.

Toning down means doing something easier that does not require as much attention.

Which meant doing fun little picture/text things on Canva. (Duh. Always the logical choice.)

But there was a pattern, and it did actually start with an event, as all good blog series do. (Or maybe that's just me...) I started doing these “sticky notes” to myself because I am really good at forgetting the little things. The things that we take for granted, or the lessons that we think we don't need to re-learn. Kate asked me why I started the series, and this is my answer. In poetry format, of course, because that's just how I write.

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I am not always a nice person
on bad days I storm through the house like a furious blonde Godzilla,
my bedroom a lair until dinner is ready and
I emerge hungry and my words are my teeth and claws,
waiting for a target.
I don’t acknowledge the people around me because
I don’t want to hurt them.

I hurt them anyway.
I don’t acknowledge my sister.
I grunt in my dad’s direction.
I give mom a halfhearted hug.

which makes them feel unloved.
like they’re an obligation that I cannot wait to get rid of
that I don’t like them
that I don’t care for them
that I am unhappy

What an awful feeling to put on someone else.

I was doing it wrong, the ignoring part, anyway.
it took me three days to figure out why my sister was mad at me.
It took me
three
days
to figure out that I was really being a jerk. 

how could they know that I was just feeling down,
or a complete stranger done something that made me sad
how could they know that it wasn’t them?

when I realized this
I put a note on my wall.

the first words out of your mouth should be lovely ones.

a sticky note pasted to the rust-red wall next to my bed

these ideas started flooding in:


all the little things that I don’t notice
you will never regret being nice. 
the things I should be doing
look for the next adventure
the things I can say to people that I don’t
you are not an afterthought.
or that I would love to have said to me
just be.

or even just realizing that life is a lot simpler

than we make it out to be
do it scared.
and yes it is going to be okay
be a nice human
there will be bad days
fear is just a love vacuum
but there will be good days too
find your happy medium
and we have to focus on those
its gonna be okay




some of those little lessons are the most precious ones.
We tend to brush them off, thinking they don't matter

my two and a half year old niece told me that I looked so beautiful in my dress.
that I looked like an angel.

and I was well on my way to a not-awesome day
but her tiny mouth blew out sweet words like bubbles
because she had decided she was going to be nice that day
and she was going to share her orange with her mom
and tell me I looked beautiful:

those words meant so much.

Some days I feel like I don't have the capability to be a nice person.
The world is ugly and dark
And it turns me dark and ugly along with it.
Some days just aren't meant for learning.

But no -
No backsliding
No returns.
I will not relent
I will learn

I would rather be too nice than a jerk.
I would rather say nice things and have people wonder what I want
than think I hate them
I would rather be a good person than not
I would rather have people be open around me, and say what they want: their beliefs
their wonderings and opinions and wants
and have a mental disagreement with them
rather than have them be afraid to talk around me

I will continue to write sticky notes to myself
until I learn them
I will continue to remind my forgetful
(And sometimes ugly and stubborn and mean)
brain of everything that matters
the little things
the things we get told once and then forget
or get told never but are expected to think
the good things that we need to hear
every
single
day
until the little lessons are just
as important as the big ones
Until my walls are covered in yellow sticky notes

Note to Self: Don't Give Up. 








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5 people commented on this post.

  1. OHMYGOSH this is so beautiful. Like make me want to go write more sticky notes and read this again and again beautiful. How do you find these people Kate?!? ;-)
    love love love this: thanks for sharing and inspiring us!

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  2. Oh my gosh.

    Sami.

    This is so, so beautiful. I'm dying. I actually read this earlier and didn't comment because I didn't even know what to say. So now I'm back, and I'm still speechless. There is so much truth in this post. I'm going to start leaving myself sticky notes.

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  3. WHOA WHOA WHOA THISSSSSSSS. <3 *heart combusts with joy and astonishment* LITERALLY GIRL YOU ARE ON FIRE. This post just spoke sososo much to me. Because I find myself struggling A LOT with these same exact feelings and convictions and okay I NEED TO READ THIS POST LIKE EVERY DAY FOR A VERY LONG TIME. Because your words are ointment -- they are so true. I also felt like I was going behind the scenes in your "note to self" series which I loooove. SO COOL.

    THANK YOU FOR THIS YOU BRILLIANT SUPERNOVA STAR YOU. ♥
    abbiee

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  4. This is so awesome. Jumping over to She Laughs right now.

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  5. Omg. Just omg. Pure talent. Sheer beauty. This. Everything about this. ♥

    ReplyDelete

comments are like dark chocolate and they make this kid way happy. I love hearing from you guys! (check back because I reply...and I love checking out your blogs, so don't leave me without a link to yours!) ♥