satisfied || guest post by Serena from Poetree


One Thursday evening in January my apathy, lethargy, ennui, reached a boiling point. I was exhausted and frustrated, and something – or everything, perhaps – needed to change.  At the very least, the overwhelming pressure in my head needed to be released. So I reached for my journal and a pencil.

I’m tired of being unhappy. I’m tired of waking up in the morning wondering what it’s all for, tired of going to work and whiling away the hours wishing I was home. I’m tired of living for the weekend, of looking at Monday and Thursday equally with dread. I’m tired.

So what if I resolve to be satisfied? What happens if I start looking at each day, each moment, with gratitude, and even wonder? Can I make – can I keep – such a resolution? Perhaps. Perhaps, this time, if instead of making a promise to people on the internet who I don’t even know, instead of grandly saying, “this is what I’ll do,” I make a promise to myself. Perhaps, I make a promise to God.

Remember, my dear soul, that omnipotent Being to whom you used to talk like a gentle Friend? Remember the Breeze in your hair, the Sun on your face, the Voice in your ear? Yes, my dear soul, you laughed, you sang, you danced, you wept, you spoke, you listened. And now you have forgotten. Remember, my dear soul.

Leave behind this tired shell and resolve to be satisfied. Live.

Feeling bolder, I picked up a pen and began a new entry. I started writing a gratitude list.

1. evening light on the red-berry bush skirted with snow
2. hope emerging from apathy and lethargy
3. lengthening days
4. the end drawing near
5. a near-blank page with only pencil strokes across it


I’m not going to pretend that January 28, 2016 was a turning point for me, that I let off all the steam when I penciled those paragraphs and never returned to that miserable state of apathy – no, this journey, like most, crawls slowly uphill, and it seems like I’m stuck somewhere towards the bottom. I'm trying and failing and struggling to be satisfied, but it's so much easier to curl up in a fuzzy blanket, complaining, and shove the world aside with the covers of a book. And sometimes that’s exactly what I need – to lose myself in a good book. But there’s more to life than the comfort of my couch, and somewhere along the way I’ve forgotten that. I want to rediscover the joy of living fully.


My additions to the gratitude list have been sporadic at best – it is by no means a daily practice – but each time I pen a few lines is a moment that I slow down and pay attention, that I exist for the sake of existing and acknowledge the blessings surrounding me. The world somehow seems a bit fuller, and yet simpler, in those moments.

6. the ability to travel
7. a shelf full of books
8. weekends
9. ipod + coloring book
10. house plants


23. snow falling in large flakes
24. more robins than I have ever seen – or heard – in one place
25. white trees against a white sky
26. I don’t have to worry, because God


32. poetry
33. words
34. stories that remind me who I am
35. souls masquerading as books
36. empathy
37. mothering Earth



_________



So blessed to be able to have Serena share this with you guys while I'm off the grid! This was something we had chatted about in comments on each others blogs, and I think her thoughts on gratitude and making these lists are absolutely SPOT ON. I am going to start making one of my own and I encourage you guys to give it a try too-- even if it be just a few things in the comments below. I myself will be copying Serena's idea and penciling them into a journal my mom gave me for Christmas. 

Be sure to go check out Serena's beautiful and uplifting blog Poetree and show her some love! She is a brilliant, inspiring soul and her words are exquisite poetry. 





XO


KATE




RELATED POSTS

5 people commented on this post.

  1. The journal entry at the beginning is one of the most relatable things that I've read recently. I can understand that feeling oh so well. I think that I'll have to try that gratitude journal. Thanks for this great post, Serena!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome! I'm glad you liked it. I hope your gratitude list opens your eyes to the blessings surrounding you (they're so easy to miss sometimes!).

      Delete
  2. Maybe I should start a gratitude list if it makes you happier and more satisfied. That journal entry is so accurate, because I dread the routine of every day, and every time this routine gets destroyed - by the weekend or a day off, suddenly I'm happy again for a while. So it's the little moments I should be focusing on, right? I shouldn't get so caught up in the misery of going to the same classes and activities over and over again.

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

    ReplyDelete
  3. Serena! This is beautiful! Have you ever read "A Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp? It is exactly along these lines, and I think you'd really enjoy it! Thanks so much for sharing (and your list is sooo beautiful!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've seen it around, but I've never read it. Sounds like I might have to check it out, though! Thanks for the recommendation!

      Delete

comments are like dark chocolate and they make this kid way happy. I love hearing from you guys! (check back because I reply...and I love checking out your blogs, so don't leave me without a link to yours!) ♥