hope > suffering || lately i've been...(losing sleep)





And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Romans 5:1-5


This year... golly. I've been thinking about this year, and how I would even define this long, full year in words. This isn't even an end of year post, but who knows-- I've been posting way too sparsely lately so perhaps this will be the last one of twenty/one/five.

I think I would call it catching up. A great, big catch-up year. A learning year. A getting back up and brushing the dirt off the knees of my jeans year.

I've been thinking about it more these past few days, because I've been working on wrapping up my book (this is going to be one of those life updates posts, I can feel it, guys. Hang in there.) the sci-fi novel I've been writing for the past four months, and with wrapping up a book often comes literary-misbehavior. I swear, my characters *want* to eat me alive sometimes, after ALL I have done for them. It's better now, but over the course of this minor case of writer's burn out, I found myself brooding and mulling the year over.

I found the verse up top in my morning reads yesterday, and I feel like that actually puts into words what I've been feeling much better than I could.

There's so much I want to do, so much in my heart and head. I feel like I'm driving around in a car listening to a bunch of things rolling around in the trunk that "I keep forgetting to take out."

God's love has been poured out into us...that's honestly what this season is bursting with; that's the point. God in, and with, and for us-- so when you feel like you're bursting full of stuff, you realize it's just overflow. Books (even misbehaving ones), paintings, songs, dreams, all of it. It's all kissed with the divine.

And then the 'suffering' bit.

Suffering sucks, and there are so many things that are happening in this world that should not be happening. So many things that grieve my heart. So many things I would love to change.

But then there's the 'hope' bit. And hope > suffering.

It has been a HOPE > SUFFERING kind of year.

I won't dwell here long, but I do want this post to be open and raw and real.

This year was a tough one for me. It was a beautiful, beautiful year and so many insanely amazing things happened, and I met so many amazing new people and learned so much, but I also went through a break up with a guy to whom I had given my whole heart. And when it comes down to it, sometimes it can be really difficult not to dwell on that shade of darkness, rather than the many other thousands of shades of light,

Sometimes its hard not to feel as if you are forever carrying around the ghost of something you never wanted to let go of. Sometimes one thing can make all the other things hurt; can make all the other sweet things have a vaguely bitter aftertaste. Some days you wake up and you don't feel like writing, or creating, or doing anything because your soul is sick and no one understands because "that was a year ago." Sometimes you feel frustrated and lost and fighting with the demons.

Let me tell you something.

Open those fists, let those tears come if they want to. take out a sharpie and write on your palms:

HOPE > SUFFERING 

Because it is. For me, and for you. It doesn't matter if the situations are different. Whatever that thing is that has you feeling like a punch in the gut, sighs going up to the dim glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling, whatever has you crying at night. Know, deep, deep down, that hope is going to win. You are going to win. Grab this coming year by the face and kiss it and tell it what it is going to be:

a hope year. 
a getting up and getting stronger year.
a healing year.
a freaking beautiful year.

So I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much, but I love you guys so, SO  much. My sister tells me that if I don't post something you all will "forget who I am." So hopefully this isn't the case...? *nervous laughter*

In truth, this book has just taken over my life, and I spend all my time with my head and sometimes most of my body, inside of the book. Everything is about the book. The book is LIIIFEE. And you will be hearing more about this book, because I am almost finished with it. So good things...good things are comin'.

AND WHAT IS EVEN MORE EXCITING IS THIS GIRL. Who is releasing AN ALBUM. And a SINGLE. SOON. You can expect a sister podcast feat. crazy discussion about her amazing music project super soon. I can't wait to share more about what this amazing chica has been doing with you guys.

/end life updates.

Okay, okay. Guess who I love?

you guys.




x x 

k a t e 





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22 people commented on this post.

  1. OH GLORY. YOU PUT IT INTO WORDS. girl, keep going!!! you are not alone in this...next year will be EXQUISITE. its okay to lose yourself a little in writing. (okay, losing yourself a lot. i totally get that.) but YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! :) i've had my own catch-up year (honestly they're just weird.) and i know this next year will be a hope year (YAY!). you have no idea how encouraging this post was...i really needed to hear that i'm not the only one who feels like its been a really really really long hard year. but yes, things will get better. no. we haven't forgotten who you are. :D keep writing Kate! you can do it!

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    1. SAMI. Literally, your comment blessed and encouraged me more than you can possibly know :') thank you, beautiful soul. And hears to this being an exciting, bright new year for the both of us! <3

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  2. "I feel like I'm driving around in a car listening to a bunch of things rolling around in the trunk that "I keep forgetting to take out."

    okay i love you bye

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  3. Sorry, we can't forget you that easily. :D This post is just really good... Like so good, I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. The photos are nice, and thanks for the reminder hope > suffering. It really is, and I think it's about moving forward as well. It's harder to grieve over the past when you're bouncing with plans for the future.

    Also, I know your book must be amazing, and I'm looking forward to more about it. :)

    Thanks for always putting so much heart into your posts, and I hope twenty-sixteen is a wonderful year for you. xx

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    1. thank you, thank you, Jessica! <3 I have been learning that sooo much lately too...keeping your eyes fixed on Him and the brilliance ahead is so important and it's such a comfort to the heart. Thank you, I can't wait to *share* more about my book!

      I hope the next year ROCKS for you, girl!

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  4. *picks jaw up off ground*

    HOPE > SUFFERING

    UM YES I NEEDED THAT OKAY NOW I NEED TO GO THINK ABOUT IT.

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    1. GIRRLL THANK YOU. <3 my heart feels uber blessed right now that you got something out of this

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  5. Amazing post. I especially love the bit about hope>suffering. That is totally true and I believe we all need to step back and look at that every now and then. :)

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  6. Isn't every year beautiful? It was only last year that I started realising that 365 days of experiences can really make you grow or heal or pull yourself back up - and by the end of it you're a completely different person. I'm looking forward to 2016.

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

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    1. I couldn't agree with you more, M. each new year = so much learning experience. I hope this coming year is an *amazing* one for you! :)

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  7. Kate! I thank God for your writing each time I read your posts. You literally write what is on my mind. Hope is so much greater than suffering, and that is because God is greater than suffering and he *is* hope! I'm so excited for you on finishing your book! Having an amazing writer like you use the talents God gave you in such drastic and beautiful ways-that shows great hope.
    Thanks again, and blessings on your Christmas!
    ~Katrina

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    1. I couldn't agree with you more, sis. He IS our hope and our salvation. Katrina, your beautiful words made my day so much brighter. :') thank you

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  8. WHAT THIS IS GOODNESS. lsfjksldkfjdslkijflsdkifldskijifj thank you sosososo much for this reminder like blahjhh words aren't coming. praying for you katie ♥♥♥♥ this year is going to be freaking amazing so thankful our hope is not an empty one but a 1000% sure one in Him :')
    also can you pls give me your book rn (AND ALSO ABBIES ALBUM WUT)
    ps we will never forget about you don't listen to her^

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    1. Thank you SO, Olivia <3 like, seriously. That means SO much. "...our hope is not an empty one but a 1000% sure one in Him" Amen, amen, amen. Couldn't have said it better. Our souls find their anchor in Him.

      BOOK SOON, ALBUM SOONER (and like omgomg I cannot WAIT for her album it is so much brilliance like aaaahhgghhh) thank you, girlie!

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  9. We won't ever forget you, Kate.
    I have a lot of thoughts on this past year and my hope for next year, and I might go into it in a post someday, but you're amazing and touched on a lot of it in this post.
    I hope you are able to have an amazing rest of 2015, 2016, and life.
    Also I so want to write HOPE > SUFFERING on my arm.

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    1. GIRL <3 DITTO, DITTO, DITTO. May this year (and life) blow our minds with His beauty and GOODNESS!

      & do iittt! Instagram!

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  10. I DID NOT FORGET YOU. And I read this post right when it came out but it was so long and deep that I wanted to reply to it with a more appropriate comment then just "hi! love! Olivia!"

    "Sometimes its hard not to feel as if you are forever carrying around the ghost of something you never wanted to let go of. Sometimes one thing can make all the other things hurt; can make all the other sweet things have a vaguely bitter aftertaste. Some days you wake up and you don't feel like writing, or creating, or doing anything because your soul is sick and no one understands because "that was a year ago." Sometimes you feel frustrated and lost and fighting with the demons."

    I loved this part a lot. Also, I love how honest you are. Reading this is more than just reading content that someone put up to bump their blog to the top of the "unread" list... it's reading something real, something that took effort and pain and is tangible... so thank you. :) for that.

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    1. NOSIVFB;OWPENFV OLIVIAAA <3 like your comments always make my day :') and bless my heart so, so much. I MISS YOU. Ima hop over to your blog asap because I need to catch up on all the wonderful things your no doubt have been writing lately.

      Thank you so much for that <3

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