gonna stay single || spoken word




t h e w o r d s :
Got a lingering suspicion,
one with blonde hair, blue eyes,
tall, dark, bad boy hunch
that this ship ain't aiming to set sail like the rest


this yacht's lowering the flag and raising up the crossbones
done with game time, aimed for war time,
high time for high tides,
making my way to the front lines,
leaving you gaping from behind.


Don't expect a farewell, don't expect a starry-eyed blush,
because from here on out the lines have been drawn and I swear,
the only way you're gonna be looking at me is down the barrel
of a sunrise pistol, feeling naked in the cross hairs.


less like a love story
more like a duel,


you may not have my heart pumping hard,
but you’ve got my finger twitching on this trigger,
aiming to pull


Heart's gone rogue, ship's gone pirate,
Left port alone,
left it all in a back ally used to be,
cuz I've got a lot of cards in this hand and I ain’t gonna pull the one says
victim


not gonna be that broken toy you'd hoped to leave me as,
not gonna play this game anymore
when I found a trapdoor leading out


Gonna sail these seas like a reckless heart,


I'm not giving up, I'm just giving in to something like a


dream


that doesn't call for your ball and chain in the recipe
doesn't call for finding someone like a cage,
lock me up like the mockingbird you were too scared to


shoot


I wrestled you by the arm
like god himself went and wrestled with Jacob,
and you were all like


don't let me go until you bless me.
but boy, I said, I've got no blessing to give.


Because rumor has it
there ain't gonna be no Romeo
enough to meet my Juliet standard


because my head, it needs a little more than a
dressed up verse and
dirty blonde curls


I won't be out on the balcony waiting,
there ain't gonna be no rock-throwing dreams


because if you want the time of day from me,
you're going to need a rocket ship,
to get up to where I'm at.


You better wear shades if you're checking out this eclipse
because I'm in the habit of blinding boys like you.


You better grow some cat claws, Romeo
it's a steep climb,


Because that ain't no satellite, no shooting star,
that's my skyscraper standard


and I swear,
I swear I'm gonna stay single


gonna stay free like those folk songs about birds,
free like a rolling stone, like a runaway,


gonna run like they used to,
gonna follow the north star,
stick to back roads


I don't need this slavery they sold me,
this world in which my body is like currency
a smile is just a masquerade,
a touch, an encrypted invitation to undress


hey, if this is what we call love nowadays I don't need it!
No, seriously I can actually live without it.


Because yeah, so what I fell hard once?
A first time doesn't mean there will ever be a second,
because the razor wire's up now,
and I'm never letting anyone wreak this yacht heart of mine on the rocks again


Think we can play this like a game, right?
Like you can be that ice berg, slicing hulls under the table
and I'll be the captain that just didn't see,
because I was so caught up
in how you sparkled under the stars,


I swear I'm gonna stay--
gonna stay single.


This one man crew never tore up these high seas so well,
I've got god marking star charts while I fall in love with my own reflection
because I can't get over that flame behind the dark parts of my eyes
a place that burns.


Someone once asked What is beauty?
Answered, A destroyer.
What is happiness?
Deception.
What is love
Death


And from what my young soul has seen of this world
I've gotta tell you darling, most times its true,
true here in a world where I guess love is just about getting in my pants
and not so much into my heart,
talking dirty, not real
where sex is love, love is sex,


because apparently his hands would rather be up in your bra straps looking for your heart, not digging with yours in the dirt of what it means to be alive and human and real.


Because that's what the movies
and the music
and the posters
and the frickin Victoria's Secret ads tell me.


And here I am staring it down like
something I want to kill,
battle crying,
I'm gonna stay single.


Gonna stay single.


Why? Because I can't love?


I love wildly. Madly. Because I was first loved by a force that blows it all apart and tells me that this?
All this?
Is all a lie.


It's a lie from the pit of hell
because your heart?


Your heart lives in your eyes,
your words.
the way you live,
move,
carry yourself,
those things that make you cry,
all those little things you don't even notice,
those little things


if its all about how far he can get you to take your body? no that’s not love.


I swear to god I'm gonna stay single.


Single and free in a world where girls are taught that abuse is romance
and boys that they are worthless virgins if they haven't gotten laid.


we’re wrecking this word 'love' like we’re wrecking ourselves.


love is an IED
a big, explosive,
huge,
dangerous word that people have fought for,
bled for,
died for,
braved the raging hurricane for.


its bass is pounding loud in my soul
and I can't keep these windows rolled up anymore
to hide it,


no, I'm not lonely. And maybe you say I just haven't found THE ONE.
The infamous one, in whom we're taught to put our trust in like a god.


NO. I haven't found THE ONE.
And gotta be honest, I ain't looking for someone so much like a
specter.


I've found something, dangling from this cliff side like a climber afraid to fall,
found a man with a gash in his side who told me to reach in and take what was mine


and now I'm on top--
I'm a lost ruler in this universe 'mine, and I swear I don't need no verification
don't need no rocks breaking through my windows.
don't need you,
him,
or anyone


settle down-- I don't need to!
I'm restless,
a reckless wandering soul
who doesn’t care about what color his eyes are
what color his hair is,


if I ever find he who speaks to me like oceans
that restless guy who has wild things living in his eyes
who wakes up sighing “we’re gonna freaking change the world you in?”


yeah.
Yeah, I'd like it.


but the razor ribbon's been tied.
cannon's loaded,
claw's out.


If he’s gonna make it ever,
let him gasp for air,


slip,
fall,
nearly die,
if he doesn’t get to the top looking like he just went through hell,


if he doesn’t inwardly supernova over the view you show him,
he is no where near worth it.


never stoop down to help him up.
Never ever compromise.


let him climb, or let him fall,
and if he falls he was never worth it to begin with


Be the mountain top, that unreachable summit.


And even if he never comes,
don't settle
for the valley


I'm riding these waves out solo,
kissing the face of the storm,
and I swear,
I swear,
I swear,


if this is what the world is like,
if this is how we live,
how things are,
if this is what 'love' is like,


my god, I swear,


I'm gonna stay single


______


Something that's been on my heart.
xo

k a t e 
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6 people commented on this post.

  1. This is...so raw. It's crazy, Kate, I can feel the emotion in your words on the page (I'm in the living room with no headphones, so I didn't listen to the track), but I still felt it.
    And you pull these crazy metaphors out of nowhere until my head is spinning, but I'm still following exactly in your footsteps, and it's like I can feel the pain you talk about.
    I've met certain people and felt kind of like this, but I haven't fallen hard yet, not like you talk about, and I'm both excited and scared to...but this gives me hope. It reminds me that I'm not the only one who makes mistakes, and I love that you always point back to Jesus, how everything you write ties into his great love. I love that about your blog, your writing, about who you are. I wish I was more like you that way.

    Anyways, long comment! Sorry. :p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. gaahh, girlll *hugsss* thank you! You words mean so so so SO much to me, I can't even. And I see that so much in your writing too, the pointing back to Jesus. So much.

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  2. "Think we can play this like a game, right?
    Like you can be that ice berg, slicing hulls under the table
    and I'll be the captain that just didn't see,
    because I was so caught up
    in how you sparkled under the stars"

    "let him climb, or let him fall,
    and if he falls he was never worth it to begin with"

    Those are the lines that stuck out to me. <3
    I have no words, you took them all from me. I've had these things on my heart lately as well, and this was one of the most empowering things I have listened to in a long time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. !!! Your comment made my day, Hannah. <3 I'm so glad that this was empowering to you. That just makes my life.

      Delete
  3. YOU ARE AMAZING. <3 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU ARE AMAZINGER AND I LOVE YOU MORE

      Delete

comments are like dark chocolate and they make this kid way happy. I love hearing from you guys! (check back because I reply...and I love checking out your blogs, so don't leave me without a link to yours!) ♥