beginners guide to being superlative || you need no one's validation

part two
you need no one's verification.

sometimes, below the surface, we feel as if we do. I mean, I know I have. That feeling of waiting around for someone to give you permission to live. Like your face wasn't pretty until someone on instagram told you it was. That thing you wrote on tumblr wasn't cool until a few people re-blogged it. 

We're evolving to insecure engines fueled on 'likes' and nods of approval.

someone was telling me about an idea she'd had recently, a dream, a goal, something-- and after she explained the details of it, she shrugged her shoulders, blushed, and finished with a "I don't know. Maybe it's dumb."

I've heard this one so many times, and every time I hear it I want to scream:


You're telling me about this because you care about it, which means its not dumb. It's fantastic. It's fantastic because its part of who you are

we need to get used to this idea (this is something I'm working on, by the way, not something I've mastered): 

we're going to have so many ideas, and hopes, and dreams that people will not understand, or connect with. And this is perfectly fine, because someone's good opinion of you is nice, but it does not matter. You're not waiting around for someone's validation.

i understand that this is definitely easier said than done. I'm right there with you; standing in the crossroads looking bewildered. 

As an unpublished author and writer, I've lived with terror about what people will think of my writing. I've lived in dread of sending my writing to editors because "What if they don't like it? WHAT IF THEY TEAR IT APART? Will I even want to write anymore?" 

we invest so much identity into what other people think of us. We sometimes hinge our lives based upon what other people think of us. We say certain things, we wear certain things, we act certain ways at certain times, based on what other people think of us. It's a vicious treadmill cycle. 

if I send off a manuscript to an editor, and she actually responded by telling me that I was literally the worst writer she had ever seen, ever, the end-- should I stop writing? Should I alter the way I live based on someone's opinion?

of course not.

should you change because he would like you more if you acted like this? Or dressed like that?

of course not.

you're not waiting for someone to come and approve that you are indeed a living, breathing, intelligent, gorgeous being. You already are. I know from experience what it feels like to be waiting for some special kind of person to come waltzing into your life and tell you how beautiful you are, how much they love you, and ahhh, at last. There are those words you have been waiting for! Let me tell you something:

they don't last.

they don't last because that is not what your soul is truly yearning for. Your soul wants to hear "I am strong, I am beautiful, I am talented, I am fabulous" from YOUR lips, not his. Your body wants those word's echoing around inside of your head. Because they are true, solid, real words. 

No matter how many people, or instagrammers, or cute guys tell you that you matter, it will never bring anything more than a temporary high-- because you have to realize it for yourself.

you've already been validated. Someone has already told you that you matter. We need to kick this deeper into our souls.

this is my summer mantra:

God is my rock, my strength, my fortress. 
I will never be shaken. 
I call on the Lord, 
he leads me and he guides me. 
(inspired from psalms 62 and 23)

he has already validated you, loved you since the dawn of the ages. You already matter. Don't wait for anyone else to tell you-- go and do the things you've been dreaming of! Go pursue your goals. Go. And love every second of it.

Because you? Gahh. You're AWESOME. Know that. Know it deep, deep down in those bones of yours. You're awesome.

k a t e 

p.s. video soon on some of the same stuff, but more about relationships? relationships q+a? toss me some ideas, y'alls. ;)


  1. I appreciate the anatomy. And I think you should do a Q&A video, but relationshippppssss. *squeals* how bout we talk about pudding cookie waffles? Watch as I rudely don't even comment on anything this post was about. HAHA I LOVE YOU. namaste. <3 :*

    1. HAHAHA. you. xD thanks, chick. Namaste. ;)

  2. well said! all those things are not eternal! only the eternal things last...why is this so hard for us to remember?

    1. Thank you, Danica! It's definitely a struggle! It can be so hard to come back to our center focus and remember what is real sometimes.

  3. I really really really needed this. Lately I've been super obsessed over Instagram likes and what other people think of me. I guess approval is just my way of telling myself what I do and what I am matters. I feel like whatever I create or write or make, whatever I do, it needs to be shared to at least someone to truly matter. Self validation comes from other people's validation, and that needs to stop. Thank you for reminding me that my own validation should be enough.

    The Life of Little Me

    1. I totally know what you mean, M. It's a battle...we're all in it together. I know I have struggled with it. I'm so glad that this could offer you some encouragement. <3

  4. reading posts of yours like these makes me want to just sit down and drink coffee with you and exchange stories, because I feel like A) we'd really get along, and B) you have some crazy-awesome life stories.

    doesn't have to be coffee. I like hot chocolate too. or milk and cookies. juuust sayin' :p

    1. I feel like that was a weird comment after a post like this...I just mean, why does everything you write resonate with me so deeply? I feel this. I've felt this. I try not to think about this too much. It's a good reminder...and a totally valid point that I have to love myself, first...before I can hear it from other people. I don't think about that enough.

    2. dude, I would love that! Coffee + chat sounds awesome, and I have a feeling you have some pretty rad life stories to share yourself! Totally gotta happen someday.

  5. love this post so, so much. validation is so hard, and it's something i'm working on myself. find out who you are, whose you are, and what you're doing here is a battle everyday.

    1. "who you are, whose you are, and what you're doing here is a battle everyday" I couldn't agree more, Kimberly, that is so true. Thank you so much, girl <3


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