like gunshots || i dont care what colour your eyes are

When I meet you, I won't be looking for your eyes. Because from here on out I don't care what color they are. 

I won't be looking for a certain height, style, type, face. No.

I used to think I would know you when I saw you, sort of thing. But then when that all started to lose sense and meaning, I realized it wouldn't be about that.

I've fallen in love with shapes and colors before-- head over heels, only to find rocks at the bottom of that waterfall.

I mean, its normal. We wonder sometimes if it will be all like a fairy tale. If it will be that glimmer to his eyes or the timbre of his voice; his hair, face, way he walks, talks, bites his lip, sweeps me off my feet--

but yet.

Deep down, what I crave even more-- what I ache for beyond all of that, is that one, long, late, never-wanting-it-to-end kind of conversation. One that resonates. A pure, unabridged free-dive into something that feels so unbelievably right. Deep, important.

Things about stars, portraits of us, where we all came from, where we're heading, this road, this forest, this never-ending exploration.

A conversation. The conversation I've always wanted to have with you. That's how I'll know you.

His language won't be about how often he can have his hands on you. It won't be about how hot you look in whatever you're wearing. It will be--

“you are so beautiful, because you exist. And God touched that skin.”

It will be two rebels under a sky that is the same. Meteorites flaring off in the same direction, like gunshots being blown into the same battle.

He won't be your prince charming. He won't be a fairy tale.

He'll be blood and bone and real life solider-- like you. In the fight, like you. He'll have your back, you'll have his. And he will tell you you're worth it-- and he won't just tell you. He'll prove it.

You'll march to the same beat, you'll fly the same flag.

And that's when you know it will be right.

When a soul spills out through ones eyes, and suddenly everything isn't just a casual, shallow, what the day has been or what someone posted on Facebook earlier-- it's a deep night with a sky pinkened by distant explosions. It's a breathless recounting of how we're going to end this war, how the wounds hurt, how we're healing, how we're breathing. It's an “everything is going to be okay”.

A promise.
A deep solidarity.
Coffee over the fire, hiding from the shrapnel, plotting a scheme to change the world.

That's how you will know its real and true.
That's what I'm waiting for.

That conversation.

I don't care what color his eyes are.
Just as long as they're fully, honestly open.


14 people commented on this post.

  1. Oh, Kate. This is beautiful and touching ♥ I love your words.
    Your blog is seriously a blessing :)

    1. Hannah, your words always make my day-- YOU are an awesome blessing

  2. Hello. I'm just here weeping over the raw beautifulness, don't mind me. <3 :') You speak my heart, girl!

    1. awww, man <3 Hannah you literally have no idea how much that means to me. Thank YOU

  3. you always seem to write what's recently been on my heart. i love this so much because its so true, and i can't wait for this conservation.
    i also can't wait for the day when *you* write a joy-brimming post about how this conversation finally happened in your life. <3

    1. Thank you sweet Evelyn! And I can't wait for that conversation to happen for you too :D

  4. This is beautiful. I've tried writing stuff like this before just for my own use, but it's never sounded as beautiful as what you've written here. Wonderful work. And I totally agree. It's less for me now what he looks like. It's about that conversation. Hearing in your heart you're speaking to someone of the same kind as you. Personally, I keep a journal of letters for him even though I haven't met him. I'll know it's him when I finally hear the voice from the other side of the page. Lovely work!

    1. "Hearing in your heart you're speaking to someone of the same kind as you." < took the words right out of my mouth. That's awesome that you keep letters for him, I love that idea. Keep on keeping on, girl, and thank you for your sweet words, it means so much <3

  5. Kate, this seriously made me want to cry. I feel like this so much, and your words resonate with my mind. I wish that more people would understand these feelings, and how much those conversations mean. How much it means to hear someone speak to you as if you mean something, and understand what you are trying to say. And actually talk about life- the down dirty side -- the hurting side- and the meanings of anything and everything instead of chit-chat or what goes on in the pop world. Thank you so much for your post. I loved every word, and seriously-- I thank God for every post of yours. They open up my soul to see brightness through the dark.


    1. Katrina, that means the world to me. <3 "And actually talk about life- the down dirty side -- the hurting side- and the meanings of anything and everything instead of chit-chat or what goes on in the pop world." < and that is pure poetry and truth

  6. I wish I could verbally express how much I love this without coming across as "omg! kate! luv this!!!!!" because sometimes caps lock just doesn't fit. I feel like you took a chunk of my heart and put it on the page and I can feel myself bleeding right along with your words. I breathe this and this is me and how. how did you DO that.

    This is amazing.

    1. Oliviaaa, thank youu! <3 I am so glad that it resonated with you too, that literally means so much. "I breathe this and this is me" < and you are such a poet! just sayin

  7. Stay strong, loved one. <3 Also, how did you get such a cute, tiny, actual-easy-to-read font? Tell me your secrets.


    1. I would be happy to like delve into it with you xx thank you loved oneee xo


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