not waiting: trusting

source.


There's a big difference between waiting and trusting. 
I used to think they were the same things--

 waiting, trusting--

was there a difference?

I didn't really think so.

Because the ocean is huge and rough, and if we are all ever nothing more 
than a handful of sailors lost in the waves we just need something like

 a horizon. 

Because if we shake with the waves we become breakable.

And we are not breakable. We are powerful.

We all feel like, eventually there's that one soul, that one heart
that beats so much like our own

and they're out there, somewhere in the waves.
Just past the swell, just out of our vision's reach.

I used to say I was waiting for him.

dreams and fears and sound,
they all get messed up sometimes and we forget

who we are
what we're made of.

We just need a horizon.

Because when we look at the waves, everything bends with the wind
and falls.

And I feel like I'm falling because I can't reach you-- 

I don't even know if you're there anymore. 

Because I can't see you and sometimes I trust my eyes and my thoughts and my head

even if they're just telling me lies.

Sometimes I feel you and then other times
you're lost.
Maybe not for you, but for me.

I just need to stop looking for you,
because you can never find something you already have.

And I have you.
Even if I can't see you yet.

The point comes to this,
we've never been waiting for each other, and if in some way we have? 
We've been wasting our time--

and not in the way that you think.

Waiting means we're out of the game. We're missing something that everyone else has.
We're "waiting" because we don't have each other. It implies a void,
a want,
an ache.

I want you because I don't have you,
it's like that.

I don't want to wait for you.
And I don't want
you
to wait for
me

because we were made for something more than waiting--

He made us,
for something so much

better.

He made us 
to trust.

Trusting

is being in the storm-- out there
in the game.

there is no void, 
there is no lack, 
there's a huge amount of dream going on and yes, 
we're not sure about anything but--

we're not on the sidelines. 
We're not a third wheel somewhere wishing it 
was us hugging outside the movie theater and watching stars.

We're not waiting for something like that,
because waiting implies that we have slowed down and

stopped.

And thought about what we don't have.
And how we don't have each other.

Darling,

if I could ever tell you one thing, 
just once,
I would tell you

don't wait for me.
 Just trust.

Just run towards Him.

Because I'm running that way too

and if you keep going like that,
with your focus forward,

we'll run right into each other.

Don't wait. Don't think about how I'm not there.
Trust.

Waiting is an inevitable response to exclusion or inactivity.
Trust is a conscious decision to believe that He is good.
Good beyond our wildest dreams.

And that he's got us.

I don't want to get lost
in the fact that you're not here yet
and that I sometimes wish you were

I just want to trust

I don't want to look for you,
or look at the waves and the wind
and think about how

loud

everything is.

I found the horizon above that,
above the sound and the swells and the pitch

a solid, unbending line of pure

vibrancy

and I realize that this was never about me and you
or you and me,

but about Him and us.

And who we are because of that.
And how we can trust that

and how all that we are,
all that we will be
and all that we will do,

isn't found in the waves
or the storm

but in that steady blue line, that holds onto our gaze and whispers

focus.

...

Darling,
I'll find you there.

Yours,
trusting




waiting vs. trusting. Just because It's been on my mind lately. And the storms are loud and the waves get big sometimes, but there's trust. And there's stopping and letting go and resting. Letting Him steal my show and take my hands and lead me. This is kind of like a slam poem, but not. Because I'm not reading it, and I feel like I couldn't read it in that cool, fast slam-poet way, you know what I'm saying? I guess it's a poem/letter. And it's funny because it's rare that I spend a lot of time writing about relationships/dating/etc, but I felt like it needed to happen. Catharsis + missing things + lots of stuff on my mind right now. But it's like, kind of new revelation  to me: we're not waiting-- we're trusting. We're actively jumping into something more beautiful than we could possibly imagine, and we know he's got us. We don't even have to try. xxKate 





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8 people commented on this post.

  1. this is really beautiful...I've been feeling this way too, lately, so the reminder is good. <3

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  2. "Darling,

    if I could ever tell you one thing,
    just once,
    I would tell you

    don't wait for me.
    Just trust.

    Just run towards Him.

    Because I'm running that way too

    and if you keep going like that,
    with your focus forward,

    we'll run right into each other.

    Don't wait. Don't think about how I'm not there.
    Trust."

    This just hit me (I'm only saying this because I can't *think* of any other way to describe it) ...feels. Good grief but this is beautiful. Is there a particular person/type of relationship behind this? Lover? Friend? Very inspiring.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Pixie! It's kind of just a lot of thought I've been having lately. So just something God inspired me to do. But it was also definitely inspired with my future husband in mind. Whomever he may be, haha. (: Thank you for your thoughtful words!

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  3. I read this in my devotions and thought of you:

    "trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." - psalm 37.3-5

    and thanks for the encouragement :)

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    Replies
    1. Wow, that is such a beautiful scripture...in fact it was exactly what I needed this morning. Thank *you* so much for the encouragement, Deryn Joy. (:

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  4. this is BEAUTIFUL, Kate!!!! "not about me and you or you and me, but HIM and US!" Exactly!!! There was a time when your words were the song of my heart, when I had to give up Waiting for trusting and let me tell you, ITS WORTH IT!!! :.) Its so so worth it. Love you like always, other Kate <3

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    Replies
    1. KAAAATTTTEEE!! *hugs* so awesome to see you back on blogger. Your words mean SO much to me, thank you. Trusting is hard sometimes, but once you just start resting in Him, you realize that it's the best thing you've ever done. Thanks so much for the encouragement, girl! Love you too!

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