confidence, baby, con.fi.dence




It's cliche, I know, but MAN is it good to be home. Like, seriously darn good. Like, I can even explain how good.

New places and faces and adventures and lessons happened people. Especially the lessons part. Some of which were a bit difficult, but He had me all the way. Jesus got me through what I needed to get through, because He's just awesome like that.

So I'm working in Philadelphia for two weeks, and I'm walking a block to the convention center every morning, and on Friday morning a traffic police officer says hello to me and asks me if I'm cold because it's only like 40 degrees out and I'm not wearing a jacket. I laugh and I say, "nah, I'm from Vermont, I'm used to it, sir". And he laughs and says how this must feel like spring weather to me. And I laugh again and say something like "yeah, sure does". And then the small talk ends and I head in for work. 

Next morning-- Saturday. Busy day. Wicked warm, everyone's outside. And I show up for work late. And I'm flowing down the sidewalk with the rush of crowd and who should happen to hold the door open for me like a gentleman than that same traffic police officer. I thank him, small talk, and then he squints at me and smiles and he says "hey I remember you-- the Vermont girl on that cold day"

and I was like, "yeah, that was me" feeling pretty darn amazed, because this guy deals with crowds on a daily basis-- sees thousands of faces and hears bucket-loads of voices every day. And he remembers me specifically. 

And he smiled at my amazement and said "I remember you because you have such a vibrant face".

...This was like a cool realization moment for me.

This guy remembered me because of my "vibrant" face, and I hadn't even woken up feeling very great that morning. But meeting me once, for a few short seconds, he'd taken that away: vibrancy.

I like wearing tall boots sometimes because I feel more confident in boots. I feel a little taller or something-- and I'm not very tall, I'm like 5.2/5.3-- something like that. I sometimes feel dorky and awkward or like I don't speak as eloquently as I would like to. Sometimes I don't meet my own expectations. Sometimes I don't fit the stupid mold I often create in my head. 

Confidence is something I constantly crave-- I think we all do. I mean, don't we?

We all want that. 
We all want to be confident. 

Swing open doors fearlessly. 
Grand entrance, no hesitation. 
Heads turn. 
Bold. 
Square shoulders.
Look out world.

But sometimes we hide. And we aren't sure because what if he thinks this and then says that behind our back? Or what if she says this and then that would mean something because he said, he thought, she said...

..you get what I'm saying here? 

It's dangerous crap.

I've suffered over stuff like this. Wondering what people think of me and wanting way too badly for people to like me. 

It hurts after a while. It really does. I've felt it way too many times before.

But the thing that's messed up? We're loved like crazy. We don't need to worry about anything else because, man, we are LOVED. 
Madly. 
And all else is irrelevant. 

In the gospel of John, it's recorded that John the baptist makes this really cool, bold, interesting statement about Jesus-- 

he says "behold, the lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world."

I was reading this recently, late one night in my hotel room, and it occurred to me that this statement, in it's most raw, genuine form, is incredibly profound. Because John calls Jesus a "lamb" and insists that He-- this lamb --is taking away all sin.

Lamb makes us think sweet, soft, new, fresh innocent. It makes us think new life and spring time and beauty.
Sin makes us think sorrow and grief and trying but failing an death and disaster. 

Two polar opposites right there. Two things that should never be put together.

And then John says that Jesus is that lamb who will take it all away-- all sin. The whole world's sin.

Life, beauty and innocence, bears, suffers, succumbs and swallows sin. 
The most pure and the most holy takes on death and hell. Consumes it and turns around to give us Himself-- His life.

This is why we can't hide anymore. Because of that insane love. 

This is why we can have confidence-- because He has confidence in us. He sees Himself and his beauty and innocence in us and he gives us boldness. His boldness

When He looks at us He sees something vibrant. Because he put it there, in us.

And when you begin to get comfortable with that? When you begin to be okay with that?

Other people notice it too.

...Food for thought.

xxSailor

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6 people commented on this post.

  1. God had made us greater than we could ever realize. Satsn steals that greatness by injecting self-doubt, lack of confidence, a feeling of being unlovable....you get the idea. Satan does not want us to realize the potential God gave us, so we tend to live st only a part of that potentisl. We have become stifled.
    God wants us to live at our highest potential.
    John 10:10 says that the theif (Satan) has come to steal kill and destroy. But Jesus has come that we would have life, and have it abundantly.
    Get to know Him. He is the best friend you could ever have.

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  2. This is awesome, I love it when I get to read a blog post that gives me something to chew on. It's interesting learning how other people see us, isn't it? Funny how even on the days we don't feel fantastic about ourselves others don't always see it that way.

    I love what you wrote here: "This is why we can have confidence-- because He has confidence in us."

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    1. I totally agree, I love thought provoking posts-- so glad this was one of those for you! That means a lot to me. (: Thanks so much

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  3. Woah, this was just downright awesome. That is SO amazing that dude remembered...and, oh gosh, what a lovely thing to say. Vibrancy is a really great way to be described. :) And I totally loved how you phrased all of this...just awesome. I'm 5'1 (or 5'2...can't quite figure it out) so you're taller than me. ;)

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    1. Thanks so much Cait! I'm so glad you enjoyed the post. And hey, being on the short side rocks. Just sayin. #shortgirlsrule *puts on cool sunglasses*

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