the one about insecurity (or, a better story)


Long story short-- I've believed lies. 

This is something really important that I've felt I should talk about for awhile now, but haven't really found the courage or articulation until now, (I hope..?)

I usually start out more philosophical posts with wordy, poetic intros, but I'm kind of feeling like the question itself, considering that you're anything like me, needs to start with an answer:

Insecurity is freaking. messed. up.

Let's start with some old philosophies.

At some point in my life, somewhere between questioning trust and learning to doubt, I developed this habit of comparison. Essentially, though I wasn't aware of it, this process of comparison was merely a distraction from my own purpose and story, and in my case I was mostly comparing myself with the perfect version of myself that I'd invented in my head. 

This version of myself was slightly taller, prettier and more articulate. She didn't get nervous, she didn't sound awkward, and she was more outgoing. She didn't care what other people thought of her, she was better at math, she was better at time management and doing what she was supposed to when she was supposed to, to please the people she was supposed to.

When it came to other people and trends and populars and celebrities, I was never very persuaded, but when it came to this superior version of myself? I was relentless in my belief that I could reform. That somehow I wasn't quite making the cut as I was, and that something needed to change.

This way of believing lead me down a road that was nothing less than agonizing-- because I was constantly falling short of who I thought I should be. 

Because honestly? Sometimes I get into situations where I have no idea what to say, or how to act.

Despite the fact that I'm usually confident, I often doubt myself, become easily embarrassed, quieted, and wounded.

And regardless of my common status as a writer and speaker, I still get shy when I talk to new people or customers, or a guy that I like.

The whole truth is that I never measure up to that image. And I never will.

Because I'm not supposed to.

To not be who I am, or to overlook it would be to miss out on something beautiful and unique and mysterious-- something that God created in only me. Something that God only created in you.

Something that God only created in a girl with brown eyes and messy hair and olivey skin and a geeky, introspective disposition. A girl who gets easily distracted, blushes frequently and doesn't have it altogether.

Insecurity is a distraction from that perfect beauty that God formulated into flesh, blood and bone when he made me and you and every person who has ever lived. Insecurity is not so much a fleeting emotion as it is a place-- a great, round desert in which we all wander at some point or another. It's a vicious, repetitive cycle. 

Insecurity is a place. But we don't have to stay there.

We don't have to stay there because regardless of what external sources may suggest? 

We are freaking beautiful.

Yep.
Me. 
You. 
Everyone.

See the trouble with insecurity, is that it's founded in total untruth, and doesn't even actually exist outside of our imaginings. It's a sick, beastly child of our own inventions, and is quite invisible to everyone else but ourselves. It's lame and it's completely anti-logic.

Because I tend to fall into this trap more than I'd like to, I easily and often notice the trait in other people. I can't even tell you how many times I've chatted with girls and guys who are beautiful and brilliant and interesting, and yet talk themselves down, or shyly brush off compliments. I've seen this on so many occasions, and yet somehow I still often miss it in myself.

I guess it sort of boils down to the fact that we don't belong to ourselves-- that we are not our own, but Christ's. So when we're all like, "yeah, I'm not that special," or feeling like we're dumb or awkward or not enough, we're really just telling God that what he made just... isn't that great. 

In fact, it's even worse than that, because in Genesis it says that God actually created us in the image of Himself

The creation of us was intimate. It was "good". 

So not only do our insecurities contradict this, but in essence they defy what Christ has to say about us and who we actually are.

God made something awesome and brilliant and beautiful when he made us. And if insecurity tells us otherwise, it's high time that we kick it's butt, rather than letting it kick ours. 

I think Paul, the new testament writer said it best when he wrote “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” I shall therefore joyfully boast in my sufferings, that the power of The Messiah may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I think this is a really cool concept. Because in essence it means that God isn't through with humanity-- our relationship with Christ isn't static but participatory and active. It's this eternal motion of giving and receiving and surrendering and letting him dance with us, and fill us and work with us. 

It's a snapshot of a God who sees all of our little imperfections and doubts and worries and quirkiness and wants in on us. Literally.

Yes, we've all been in this place called insecurity-- and we'll all slip in there from time to time. But seriously... let's not go down without a fight. Let's stop long enough to see that there are bigger better ideas about us than just our own, narrow-minded ones.

Let's get quiet enough to listen to a story about us that's actually better than the one we've been writing on our own. 

Let's trust that story.


beautiful
<a href="http://thedreamsailor.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-one-about-insecurity-or-better-story.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1122.photobucket.com/albums/l521/Abbiewithan_ie/beautiful_250.png" alt="beautiful" width="250" height="250" /></a>




RELATED POSTS

8 people commented on this post.

  1. right on!
    i think this is a really cool post. seriously, it's inspiring and true and beautiful. *HIGH FIVE!* xD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, thanks Noni! *high 5s back* :) <3

      Delete
  2. My gosh, this was a MUCH needed post for me. Thank you, dear! I never thought about insecurity like this. Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww, *HUGS* I'm so glad Sammy Girl. :) Love you & God bless

      Delete
  3. I've been there!! Thanks for posting....it's so good to...sort of read my feelings on paper and be like "it's not just me! look! someone else!" and the stuff you wrote - dead on and a good reminder.

    thanks. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right? It is really encouraging to know that you're not going through it alone. Everyone feels insecure sometimes. We've all just gotta stick together and overcome. :)
      You're so welcome!

      Delete
  4. Love, love this. Thank you for sharing the link on my blog. There's so much truth and beauty in what you wrote. I can connect with it so much.
    "Insecurity is a distraction from that perfect beauty that God formulated into flesh, blood and bone when he made me and you and every person who has ever lived. Insecurity is not so much a fleeting emotion as it is a place-- a great, round desert in which we all wander at some point or another. It's a vicious, repetitive cycle. "
    So, so true. Agh I could quote the whole thing in this comment, but that's what the post is for.;)
    I could also write an extremely long comment about how much I got out of it, but sometimes silence is the most useful tool to help me soak it all in.
    So, I will say: this is such a good reminder and encourager. We can't give up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you SO much, Victoria! Your kind words mean so much. I got *so* much out of your post as well. It was so encouraging. Thanks so much for reading this and for your uplifting words. :)

      Delete

comments are like dark chocolate and they make this kid way happy. I love hearing from you guys! (check back because I reply...and I love checking out your blogs, so don't leave me without a link to yours!) ♥